(Hi. I’m back. I know, it’s been awhile since I last posted, but you will soon find out why. Sort of. Really, there just hasn’t been anything to say. Until… well, the past week. And then there was too much to say and I didn’t know how to say it. But now I’m going to try. And hopefully succeed.)
For the past two weeks, I’ve been super-duper-duper-duper stressed about school. And, well, life in general. I haven’t even been posting on here a lot. If you’ve noticed, the past few posts have been mainly pictures because they were the only thing that felt worth posting about. I figured you guys wouldn’t really want to hear about the papers I’m writing, the science test I’ve been super-duper worried about, or the fact that I am slowly getting behind in my math.
I’ve read before that your blog isn’t supposed to be your journal. Keep personal stuff to yourself. Then I realized that that’s not completely true. I understand that every time I’m angry or tired or worried or stressed, I shouldn’t write a post and publish it here. But sometimes it’s good, because for those who will actually take the time to read a very long blog post all the way to the end (I have trouble doing it, so I’m just going to assume that at least some other people have the same problem), my story can be a witness to them. Besides, if you never write about personal or sad things on your blog, it would get kind of boring after awhile, wouldn’t it? I mean, a blog with only happy, positive, optimistic posts? Sounds unreal to me.
But, of course, I might be wrong. The probability could be very high that I’m wrong, but until someone gives me a really good reason for keeping a completely happy blog, I’m going to write about the negative stuff. On occasion.
So here goes.
Lately, I’ve been crying a lot. I’ve been super-duper stressed about school (as stated above). I haven’t felt peaceful. There has been this horrible storm going on inside of me for the past week or so, and however hard I tried to get rid of it, the storm just got worse. It started out so gradually and slowly that I didn’t see it. First, it was clear blue skies without a cloud in sight. Then, as clouds very slowly started to move in, I started to feel “ish.” It was just small showers here and there. Then longer. Eventually, the rain just kept pouring, and the lightning and thunder came. None of it ever stopped.
I was desperate. I needed a way out of this turmoil, but I didn’t know where to go. And that’s when God, my amazing Father who always steps in at the perfect time, said, “I’m right here! You forgot about me. Again.”
That was my problem. I’d forgotten to cast my cares on Christ. Again. In a way, I’d almost been ignoring him. I’d stopped reading my Bible. I still prayed, but not nearly as much as I had before. I was irritated by everything. I hate to admit it, but I was especially irritated by my family.
Surprisingly, I’m okay with saying all of this to you guys. Why? Because I know God loves me just the way I am, because His perfect Son Jesus Christ died for me. For me. Because of that, in God’s eyes, I’m not a sinner. He will let me into Heaven because Jesus died for me, and I know my sins are forgiven, and I’m loved. Very, very much. So I don’t care what you guys think of my sins. Not because I don’t care about you, but because my repented sins don’t matter anymore. My sins have been repented. God has forgiven me, and the sins are a mere memory to keep me from falling into the same wrong actions again. God isn’t going to let me go because someone disliked what I did and condemned me.
So now, I’m trying my very hardest to not fall back into my sin. My cares were meant to be cast onto Christ, so that’s where they’re going to go. Worrying isn’t going to get me anywhere. Obeying the Bible will. So right here, right now, this sin will begin to end. My anxieties will be tossed out the window, and I will strive to praise God with all my heart.
Cast your burden on the LORD,
and he will sustain you;
he will never permit
the righteous to be moved.
(Psalm 55:22 ESV)
So, if anyone stayed with me until the end of this post, thank you. It really is appreciated.
Have a blessed, wonderful, amazing day.